588. - Dean Kissick

All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Stateside with Kai and Carter, a new podcast from The Guardian. And they are using this podcast to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions that we all have about what's happening in the world. And they do it three times a week, Jason. Does that sound familiar to you? We don't really talk about, you know, a lot of international global news items and climates and cultures and sports and things like that. We do talk about fashion and wellness, but for everything else, Kai and Carter are a great place. All right, so who couldn't use more news? Listen wherever you get your podcast. or watch on YouTube. Time just moves so fast. It's crazy. As you get older, I've noticed. It's 2024. We're all a little bit older. It's a beautiful sunny day here in Los Angeles. It feels nice to ring in the new year with some sun. I'll say that. Yeah, what did you do for your New Year's Eve? New Year's Eve? I was with you. What do you mean? Well, there are other people listening. Oh, I see. Oh, for New Year's Eve. Beyond me. I mean, I'm only listening to you because I contractually have to. I get it. The nice people listening at home or in their cars or on the subway are doing it electively. Okay, I see. Okay, so we should explain to them. Yeah, we went to Gigi's for dinner, and then we went to a, as you described it, shagadelic house party. In the Hollywood Hills, thanks to our friends, Ryland and Julia, for escorting us. We were not invited guests. We just simply showed up with them. But we were welcome. We were very welcome guests, but we were not invited. We were welcome because I think that when you, Ryland, and I walk around together, people can't believe the height, which seems, I guess, I don't know. I just feel like it seems multiple people commented on it. Yeah. I mean, even I would comment on it.

of us walking into a place i'd be like all right what the okay come on what the f and and you're all taken of course i know there's always that one i liked the party because it was just comfortable and well appointed and there was no dumb shit like there was no there was no like you know firework display or like a weird kind of everybody stand around and tell us what you're grateful for this new year there was no gratefulness circle or anything like that i only had one one quip which was the the caviar and blini service featured labneh instead of creme fraiche and as a labneh sympathizer myself and a fan of the of the dairy product I don't know if it belongs on a New Year's Eve caviar. Oh, you were unhappy. Well, it could have been a mistake. It could have been just like, oh, shit, we don't have any. No, no, no, no, no. You think it was a choice? Yeah, the caviar mistress made no secret that it was intentional to use labneh instead, which, you know, I like trying out new things like that. But New Year's Eve is the creme fraiche. It's a creme fraiche holiday. I saw you choke one down. Oh, I ate it. It was yummy, yummy, of course. I'm never going to turn down caviar and bellini, and I do like a labneh, but you know. I love turning down caviar. It's luxury. One of the world's worst foods. Oh, my God. No problem. It's not even a food, Chris. You're right. It's a flex. What happens when a food is no longer a food, but it's merely a flex? What if diamonds... Tasted good. We left at like 1. I mean, look, I didn't want to be out at all. I thought I was going to get to go home after dinner. Of course, that's not the case. But did you really think that you were going to go to dinner and then go home at 8.37 on New Year's Eve? Kind of. Well, yeah, because there was no plan. So it was like it's very possible that nothing materializes. And this was kind of the perfect thing, though, because no one really talked to us in an annoying way.

I didn't know anyone there. So it's kind of the perfect crime. Yeah, it was great. Everything was there. I did stay a little bit later than you did. Yeah, I was going to say. I know it was great for you because I saw Ryland at the gym the next day. I was like, oh, what time did you guys leave? He said 3.30. And I said, damn, bro, that Molly must have been hitting. It was a late addition to the evening. I think it kind of kicked in a little too late. But it was like a... It was a real heady, reflective vibe. I was not dancing to EDM or I was not making a fool of myself. I was just sitting by the outdoor fireplace. Yeah. Soaking it all in, man. Like, view of my city at my feet. My CD. Yeah, I mean, the view from this house was immaculate. Like, when the fireworks started going off at midnight, you had the full view of the Santa Monica fireworks. And then to the left, you had the full view of the downtown fireworks. 360, bro. It was a motion picture in that way. Try to find that on Selling Sunset. Good fucking luck. 330, though, is, I mean, that is late. Yeah, I didn't even know. It was that late until the next morning I looked at the ring cam, Noti, and it hit me with the 3.47 a.m. And I was like, surely this was a raccoon that had gotten into the trash. I don't think this was me at all, right? This raccoon looks a lot like my wife. I don't understand. I could pull up the footage, but it's best not to right now. It's best not to. I guess you guys were looking for a party and you fucking got one. I wasn't and I still got one. And I guess that's kind of what New Year's Eve is. I think we only go out on New Year's Eve now to combat the FOMO. And even though I know that you are immune to FOMO, and I am as well in many ways, much more than I used to be for sure. I'm not immune. When I was a little thirsty thought. I'm not immune to FOMO. It's just...

holidays are the worst nights to do anything. Well, I wish you would communicate that more. Could you use your words, Chris? Could you use your words? But just something about, even if you don't want to, even if you know it's going to suck, everyone's like, amateur night, stupidest blah, blah, blah, stupid, blah, blah. But if you are sitting at home alone, watching The Office superfan episodes at 11.53, you're just kind of like, hmm. Did I make the right decision? I could absolutely sit at home and not think twice about going to a party of any kind. But I understand. I think most people fall into your category. And I'm okay with that. I just don't. It's not even wanting to party. It's wanting to not not party. I was going to say, does that make sense? But I already know it doesn't. I'm very clear that it doesn't. But I mean, how are you feeling the next day? Because even I. I didn't feel great, and I had to meet Hunter at 9 for a session. Yeah, you and Ryan O'Connell were little gym rats day one, Jan 1. That's because we like to set the tone, and your tone was probably some sort of smash burger in a car. This mother was not mothering on New Year's Day. I slept in, obviously we slept in. Dogs were at the sitter, so that was chill. The pickup time that was scheduled was a real, was a strong TBD. We went and got some pho in San Gabriel Valley. We just bopped over to Rosemead real quick. Okay, so you drove 45 minutes to have hot water and noodles, and that made you feel better? Well, the best part about the holiday break now is we got COVID level of traffic, which is to say... Yeah, that's true. Almost zero. So we could, I mean, it was far. Like normally with traffic, yeah, it would have been half an hour probably to get there. And it's not a cute half an hour drive over the Rosemead either. It's a stinky one. But, you know, I banged that shit out, you know, 16 minutes. Okay, that's nice. That's reasonable. Which is like the same thing as driving to Silver Lake or something. But yeah, the healing broths of pho were flowing and I felt much better instantly.

And then came home, watched a little Chappelle, you know what I'm saying, took a little nap, and then hit the Prime Pizza gluten-free delivery for a little 8 p.m.-ish. We had gluten-free Prime Pizza last night. Oh, wow. It's so good. It's so good. It's honestly maybe the best. It's definitely the best in LA for that kind of thing. It's honestly maybe definitely the best. You know what I mean? I was thinking about it because you have to categorize it because it is a grandma style. It's gluten-free, but also it tastes like Pizza Hut to me. I think that's why I like it. Yeah, they've really perfected it. I've had a lot of gluten-free pizzas even from better pizza places, but nobody has been able to. dupe that prime man yeah i don't i don't know why i don't know why it's so difficult i mean we can get into the awful dave chappelle uh special with our guest i i guess but i i did want to talk about it because it was so deeply unfunny i'd like to think that our guest doesn't even know who dave chappelle is oh he definitely he definitely who's that I'm sorry, is that a comedian? Are you speaking of the cellist? Him leaving the stage to get a cigarette to come back for his final bit that was a 15-minute diatribe that ended with a very mid Lil Nas X joke. That build-up was too much. That was unnecessary. The theme of the show was him being a dreamer and dreams and working hard towards the dreams, making them come true. And then he was talking about how all these people have these amazing dreams and they end up... Coming up short for one dumb little thing. And they end up, you know, working at Walmart, killing themselves, whatever. And Lil Nas X's dream was to be the gayest peep in the world. And his was the only dream that came true. There's some funny stuff in there. I think Dave Chappelle's dream and one and only dream is to be able to smoke on TV. And I think you've succeeded. I think his, no, I disagree. I think his only dream is to, is to. talk about trans people every day of his life i think that's his only dream is to get it out every day he's got to say as somebody who just can't not say something sometimes myself i'm speaking of i can relate to that relentless assault of how i don't know it's it's he was talking about andy kaufman on the special but it reminds me of that of just the dedication to the bit of like is he still

gonna do oh my god he's still gonna do it you know like some of the greats but he the execution is maybe not necessarily there and not the best hill to die on but if it's not funny why why do it who cares like it's just not like that's the thing if it's not funny then i don't want life lessons from dave chappelle he's a rich comedian i don't care what he has to say about anything except being funny well funny is subjective bro i mean it is subjective but i think people now i think that these these old comedians that are just like mad about their audience when they're selling out every show and getting huge check like i don't understand if the audience is so woke then and you're still selling out shows and getting money from netflix who cares yeah what's the issue i mean it's it's no there's no downside for i agree with that one thousand percent but i guess when you come up It's just like having, you know, your world be taken away from you. Sure. And it's simply, oh, now it's harder for you. But that's the thing. I don't know if it is. Is the challenge accepted or is the challenge not accepted? I don't know if it is harder. That's the thing. I don't know if it is harder. Because as we've said before on the show, if you lean in to the kind of stuff that like Gervais and Dave Chappelle are talking about, you find a giant audience for that. Like, yes, you lose some people, but you might gain more. You find a much bigger audience, but you end up. having a bunch of arrows in your back and you know is it worth it some people yeah some people know and nobody wants to hear a rich hundred millionaire complaining about a couple arrows in their back no it's it's it's metaphorically it's it's also the fact that he was still talking about the slap is insane We have got to move past the slap as material. Even if you were there, even if you participated in it, if you are Will Smith, Chris Rock, or Dave Chappelle, you should never be allowed to speak about the slap again. We've beat that horse. It's dead. Okay, night-night slappy. Yeah, I'm with you. I'm with you, but unfortunately, I still have a bit of a soft spot for Chappelle. To me, I treat it like SNL where taint what she used to be, but I still...

I still tune in. I still just got to see it for the FOMO. Because sometimes if you smoke enough weed and you catch them in the right time. He really is one of the greatest comedians of all time. Yeah, he might have been 20 years ago, but I was never pilled by Dave Chappelle. I thought the show featured too many mid-dusty rappers for me. I know it's cool that most Def is rapping in the kitchen, but it didn't keep me entertained. Not for you. But it is a classic, and there were some funny, of course there's some funny bids. And he had one of the best Radiohead ballads of all time as his opening song. Maybe you would have liked the Chappelle show more if it had Big Thief or something instead, right? No, I thought the radio head was nice because I know he often covers Creep when he does karaoke. Oh, I didn't know that. We have a guest today. To kick off the year, we wanted to bring back a favorite of ours, but also a fan favorite, Dean Kissick, New York's own. by way of the motherland, London. Dean is joining us in a nice red jumper from New York City. And we're just going to kind of see what his predictions for 2024 are. Isn't that right, Jason? And beyond. And beyond. All right, let's give Dean a jingle. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by a new podcast from The Guardian stateside with Kai and Carter. This is covering a lot of our bases, Jason. It's trying to slow down. The news and wrestle with the questions we all have about what's happening in the world. And I know you particularly have quite a lot of questions. A lot of questions. But how often? Because we do this podcast three times a week and that's a sweet spot. How many times do they do? Three times a week. And I have a feeling just based on the platform and these talking points that they're maybe going to be covering different stuff than we do. That's just a guess. The Guardian is not some billionaire owned. They're not afraid to say what they want to say, brother. Yeah, Rupert ain't sniffing around in what journalists Kai Wright and Carter Sherman are up to over there at Stateside. But yeah, listen wherever you get your podcasts. You can watch it on YouTube. It's three times a week. And who couldn't use more news? Especially when it's not from here, let's say. Give it a listen. Give it a listen. Oh, this is huge for me personally. This episode of How I'm Gone.

It was brought to you by TaskRabbit. Oh, baby, let me tell you something. This is not a joke. I use TaskRabbit a lot because I can't do anything. You need some art hung? TaskRabbit. You need something put together? A cabinet? Got to reach that cheese grater on the top shelf? TaskRabbit. Anything you need, TaskRabbit can take care of it for you. How it works, TaskRabbit connects you with skilled taskers in your area. They can help you move. They can assemble furniture, repairs, yard work, mounting, and more. You can search for a tasker based on cost, skill set, availability, and past client reviews so you know exactly who's showing up and can have confidence that they know what they're doing because taskers have assembled over 3.4 million pieces of furniture, completed 700,000 home repairs. handled 1.5 million moves, and the numbers are just going up, Jason. Yeah, throw a little money at the problem. It's not so expensive, and that job that you really don't want to do is something that another person out in the world is very good at doing and would gladly do it in exchange for a little bit of money. So when life happens, your to-do list grows. Get ahead of it now and get $15 off your first task at TaskRabbit.com or grab the TaskRabbit app using promo code how long taskers book up faster, especially for same day tasks. So book trusted home help today. That is $15 off your first task using promo code how long with the TaskRabbit app or at TaskRabbit.com. Oh, we're live. All right, Dean, what's going on, baby? 2024, how are you feeling? I'm feeling good. I'm feeling excited, a little shaky, terrified. It's going to be a big year. Anything in particular that you're terrified of or just the general kind of scared of the future? Just this podcast. Or are you just still hungover? Yeah, are you hungover? I'm a little hungover from New Year's Eve, not from last night. Right, right, right. It's got a day two carryover. Okay, so are you, but you're not terrified of doing how long on part two, are you? Well, I just want to do well. I want to do well.

This is kind of a make-or-break pod for a lot of young creators like yourself. It's the Rogan effect for an up-and-coming comedian. So it's your cricket match to lose at this point, Dean. Yeah, I know. All right, let's go take a break. So what did you do for New Year's Eve and why are you hungover? What did you put in that little mouth of yours or nose? I didn't have too big of a night, but I'm just fragile these days. You know how it is. Yeah. Chris doesn't, but I do. I'm fragile in different ways, mostly emotionally, but go ahead. I'm sorry. Yeah, I'm fragile emotionally as well. New Year's Eve. Well, I woke up in Oxford. I woke up in my childhood bedroom in my mom's house. And then I went to Heathrow Terminal 5 and took a plane to JFK. So I landed about 5 p.m. So I landed in the U.S. like just before New Year's and went home and showered and then went straight out. which was kind of a good way of doing things, I think. Like, yeah, it was fun. So it means I had the whole shock of coming back to the US. And then I went out for New Year's, which is always a bit kind of scary and unsettling, a bit intense. Then I had a day yesterday, kind of recovery with my girlfriend. And then suddenly I'm in USA. And now I'm... online with you. We're starting the year. That's a good way to start the year, I think. This is the most American thing you could do. And I want to welcome you back to this fine country. And if you could just go ahead and sing the national anthem, that would be great. I don't know if you know all the words, but... My dad used to work on these U.S. Air Force bases in England, in Germany and England. So if you're on the base, they can play the U.S., the national anthem at any time. And if they play it, you're supposed to stop whatever you're doing. So if you're in the car, you're supposed to pull over. You just stop and kind of show respect, maybe even like sing along, but you don't talk. Feels a little bit more like a Nazi Air Force base to me if I'm, or maybe a little North Korean. This is the best thing I've ever heard. I'm going to start doing this to Jason. Anytime I feel like it, I'm just going to put on the national anthem and make him stand at attention and salute. You want me to do a sir, yes, sir, while snot comes out of my nose?

That's exactly what I want. Si patrana. Exactly what I want. Dean, so what did you do for New Year's? Did you have a big New York City night out? Was there a big event that Jason and I aren't aware of? I feel like you went party hopping. I only went to two parties, and one of them was a dinner. So I wasn't running around too much. Could you rate the meal? Rate the meal, scale of 1 to 100, please? You know, I didn't love it. Was the meal prepared by a loving friend of yours or a restaurant that you have no connection to? No, it was prepared by a restaurant I have no connection to. It's like a new restaurant called Polo, which is opened on Canal Street, kind of Canal Street by Essex Street, that part of town. Okay. You said Polo? Tolo. T-O-L-O. T-O-V-L-O. Got it. Okay. What kind of cuisine are they offering at Tolo? Tolo, well, they had a kind of New Year's fixed menu, which was pretty standard. The starter was cucumbers and, like, wood ear fungi. Classic. Some kind of spicy, salty, spicy tofu dish. Textbook N-Y-E every year. Yeah, yeah. The smashed cucumber and wood ear. Very standard stuff. You're supposed to eat, at least in Japanese culture, you're supposed to eat really long food on New Year's Eve, and that brings you good luck, and it helps with longevity. Physically long. So you're saying having a three-foot noodle is going to make your dick bigger in 2024? Is that what you're saying, Dean? Among other things, yeah. Okay, so you're pulling out the leeks, the cucumbers. The green onions, and you're not chopping them. Yeah. And do you have to kind of eat them like a bird eats a fish? Yeah, I think so, yeah. Because that's kind of how you eat in Japan, or like in the East anyway. You're supposed to like... Their words, not mine. But yeah. Yeah, yeah. Those noodles. It's not rude to do that in that culture. Okay. So we had some long foods at Tolo. No, not really. No. No long food. No long food. Oh.

That's why it was bad. Okay, so you're upset that you didn't kind of get to celebrate in the way that your people usually do. Cucumber long? No, it was all like chopped up small. And there were XO noodles, but they were described as little noodles. But it was a dinner hosted by my friend Tristan Depew. Very happy he invited me. Like small dinner. He works for the fashion label Raimondo Langua. Yeah. And he had a very, I can only describe it like a very flout heavy. It was a heavy room. There were a few podcasts there, and friends and acquaintances. Let's name names on those podcasters, Dean. Which Red Scare? Michael Barbaro? Yeah, there was Dasha, friend of the show, your show, and Dasha Nekrasova and Anakachian, and there was also KJ. Okay. Oh, yes. From the fame to Ion Pack. Okay, wow. A co-worker. A label, mate. Yeah, a co-worker. Yes, a co-worker. So this is a heavy room, and I'm sure a lot of important topics were discussed. Is there anything that maybe was getting thrown across the table that you'd want to discuss with us? I'm trying to think. Important topics. Any gripes with Sleepy Joe? Stuff like that? Salt burn was a letdown, things of that nature. I did talk to someone who didn't seem very up on Joe Biden. I don't want to get into that. I just saw my father over Christmas, and he's very sad at the prospect of people not liking Biden. He doesn't understand. But do they look at a lot of people that don't live here? they look at America, especially our politics, and just think about that it's insane. Is that how your dad feels? Yeah, but... Even though England's not doing great right now either. Well, my dad's American, but he lives... Oh, okay, okay. He lives in England, and he's never coming back, but he has no interest in English politics whatsoever. He doesn't pay any attention, but he's deeply...

deeply invested in u.s politics it's like my dad and and football like he doesn't he doesn't really care who wins but he watches every game he just wants to see a good game is that how i think just all of our parents generation just watch the fucking news and that's just what they show on the news you know but he might if you're in england you might have to go a step further to really find the good stuff you know yeah i don't i don't know how he's doing this actually but he does He somehow manages to watch all of that Rachel Maddow and Trevor Noah. Oh, not Trevor. I don't know how he gets access to those. Look, you can like Joe Biden without having to watch Trevor Noah. I mean, come on. That's basically elder abuse. He loves that stuff. I saw you tweet recently, and I wanted to ask if this is true or not. Is your resolution for 2024 to do the exact opposite of everything that you did last year? Or was that just a fun experiment for social media? Not really. Yeah, that was more like things. That was kind of suggested resolutions for everyone. I was saying something like you should try to change your opinions on everything or try to do the opposite of what you normally do. I think that is good advice, but I don't think I'm super capable of doing it. Who is? I wish I was that person who could really become a whole new person. I think that would be... Great. Well, I plan to shave before I go back to New York, so that feels like I'll be a whole new person. That's kind of what I was trying to do. So Chris is working big to small over there. A lot of life-altering changes going on. Dean, what do you think about – we talked about this in the last episode, and I feel like it hit a new level this year about the kind of 2023 wrap-ups on social media. The breathless – retelling of your year and all the successes you had featuring images of yourself, your good-looking friends, maybe some food, a couple of exotic vacations, maybe some press clippings. Why do you think this has hit a fever pitch? Yeah, that's a good question. I was saying you should do one. I think that's what I said. But I think that would be good. I think it would be really nice. I just find it to be so...

navel gazing and unnecessary like if like the people that follow me have seen the stuff that happened to me throughout the year they're aware of it already do i need to hit them over the head with it again in a roundup format well i think a lot of people chris you don't your brain doesn't work like this but it should a little bit more as a content creator but people are constantly thinking about what to post on social media and they are in in search of help and ideas all the time and this is An idea baked, ready to go, presented to them that will guarantee likes and reposts and things like that. That's true. Well, does it do well, though? Does that? It's a good question. I would imagine it not doing that well. Well, if I'm like a hot person and it was like, here's my 11 sluttiest, hottest looks where I looked the best and got the most likes. Here's all of them tied up in a bow for you. It's under the guise of earnest maxing and self-care. And you know what? I am going to post that photo of me when I look hot. It's under the guise of that, but it's more just like, I need something to post. Give me the likes. I need something to post. Give me the likes. My favorite is when the hottest photo is buried in the carousel. That's my favorite. I'm serious about work and all my accomplishments, but I also want to remind you on slide six that I look crazy in Cancun. Here's me cleaning out the freeway. Here's when I donated turkeys on Thanksgiving to the homeless and unhoused. Here's when I spread my asshole and greased on a boat that I didn't pay for. You don't think it works, Dean? You don't think people are actually interacting with these posts? No, I mean, I don't really know. Like, I think putting on the kind of cultural critic hat. Does it ever come off, Dean? I should take it off more. That'll be a good resolution. That's a resolution for you. yeah but sometimes it's hard not to think of like everything you see through this certain prism or which is yes not the best way to uh to live actually but sometimes hard not to do it um but with the cultural critic hat on i think like we have all of us put ourselves at the center of culture culture is just all about us now what we're doing like what we look our image what we think and even something like spotify wrapped

which I quite like, but it turns music into, music just becomes like an expression of yourself, like music becomes, your end of your listening is like a portrait of who you are, what kind of person you are, and what town you should be living in that has the most similar music taste to you. This is another, like a very direct version of that, just creating a potted portrait of yourself. But I guess it's mostly people, who post a lot who do this kind of thing like people who are already very online whereas i would i would love to see everyone i went to high school with you know i'd love to see like a pen slide carousel of what on earth happened to them like what are their lives like what did they do this year but so many of those people just They just never post or they have better things to do or they're not online. No, they are. They're just doing it all on Facebook. Yeah, I mean, I like that idea, though. I do think it would be a lot more interesting of a premise if it was people who I don't hear from every fucking day and know exactly what they've done. That does make it a little more fun. Yeah, I guess that's similar to what you were saying, Chris, of like here's people. I've collected all these images from when I posted it three weeks ago. Yes. And you saw it three weeks ago. But here it is again. We all knew. And Jason, you mentioned Facebook. I was thinking when you first asked this question, it sort of feels like Facebook, like this kind of doing a carousel, a slideshow about yourself. It sort of feels like the kind of thing that was maybe going on on Facebook right before it sort of fell out of popularity. I don't think people realize that. facebook used to be the place for photos that's like what it was it was because you could make albums you could name them you could categorize them that was like kind of what it was for before it became gma's favorite yeah back when we had flicker that used to be enough huh r.i.p i like facebook i do too dean do you still use it no i don't i oh sorry there's a siren coming past no but i have i have looked at it a few times recently the kind of

general the general word i hear is that it's got it's got good again it's definitely like seems to be popping a lot more than it was maybe five years ago or really whenever people are completely off and a lot of people just never left i look at it and it's not i think that the stigma that it's like all of your favorite right wingers posting about trump all day is not actually what happens. It's more family-oriented, I think. And that's why people like it. It's more real. I mean, they ain't letting the titties fly on Facebook the way they are on Instagram. I'm afraid of Facebook because all those people from high school that you would like to see what they've been doing, those people are going to contact me on Facebook. They're going to find me because there's going to be the network of high schools and schools and cities and things like that. And I will be able to be found easily. And then those people will reach out to me and say, hey, man, what's up, Hollywood? Shit's crazy, man. Don't you want to stunt on your former haters and let them know that you're a successful podcaster living in Glendale with an Asian wife? I checked all the boxes. Wow, what a great gratitude experiment there. That's nice. You're one of Huntington Beach's finest graduates. I would want to stunt. It goes Chrissy Teigen and them jeans. At some point, those tables are going to turn, hopefully. I mean, I guess I do want to stunt, yes, but also none of those people. Or doing well, in my mind? No, sure, sure. I don't want to swag a dead horse, I should say. No, I understand. Dean, did you go to... Have you been to a high school reunion, Dean? No, I've never been to one. I am a little curious. I'd be interested. I went to my... I think it was five years. Maybe it was ten years. I went to one of them. And it was only because I, at the time...

Thought I was very successful and high on cocaine. And it was really fun. Because it really was like, wow, you guys are fucking losers. I'm living the dream. Were you handing out $20 bills to strangers and things like that? No, it wasn't. It wasn't that good. I wasn't doing that well. But it was a chance for me to kind of go check out what happened. And it was the classic thing where all the hotties got fat. Everybody had too many kids. They're in dead-end jobs. I'm managing a band. We're on TV, and I've got pockets full of drugs. I'm the winner here. And now looking back, that was pretty obnoxious of me. Yeah, no shit. Cocaine, though. What are you going to do? I mean, you're already obnoxious. Just imagine sprinkling some of that sweet pow pow on top. It's a recipe for disaster. How did everyone react to you? Well, because the band that I managed, we all went to high school together. Oh, okay. Everyone was very aware of our minor success because it was like, obviously, Conyers, Georgia, there's not a lot coming down that success pipeline. You are all they've got. Well, let's not forget the Fanning sisters did go to the opposing high school for, I think, one year maybe before they moved to L.A. to act. So not the highest rated. So Dakota Fanning is your Chrissy Teigen. in many ways. Yeah, Dakota is my Chrissy, exactly. You've won this battle, but not the war. Dean, also on Twitter, we talked about this when we spoke with Music's Moby, but he alluded to the fact that he sold his old home, which was a castle-like residence in Silver Lake, in a private sale to an unnamed person. That may or may not have been Banksy. And you recently said on Twitter that he should be jailed. Would you like to elaborate, please? I'm sorry, who? Friend of the show Moby or friend of the show Banksy? Banksy. Well, there was an image of the guy who had stolen a stop sign off the sign that was supposedly a Banksy art. And then Dean said maybe instead of jailing this stop sign thief, that the artist Banksy himself should be sooner jailed. I know.

Being too self-righteous, got in a Christmas, a kind of Christmas moral fervor. The holidays will do that to you. But, I mean, you swim in the art world deeply, so I would like to hear your thoughts on Banksy and his street art. Yes. Okay. Well, there's so much to say here. You know, I mean, firstly, just on Dakota Thadden and Chrissy Teigen. Famous person from the girls' school associated with my boys' school is Hermione Granger. Oh, wow. Okay. Okay. Congratulations. Is that person on Harry Potter? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Emma Watson. Oh. Oh. Okay. Emma Watson. She's a little younger than you, right? Yeah. She's quite a lot younger than me. Okay. I didn't know if you got a shot to take her to prom, if you guys have that over there or whatever. I didn't know. I met her one time at a wrap party for some TV show or something like that. with our friend Chris Chang, who you may or may not know from the internet. I do, yeah, yeah. And he's a big fan of her work, in whatever way you want to take that in. And he instinctually, without even thinking, just a reflex, handed me his Yashica T4, which he did a month ago at that GQ party when he saw Megan Thee Stallion. He handed me his camera, and he was like, just go. And he goes up to Megan Thee Stallion, and I take the photo. It's perfect, it's beautiful. But we did this eight years ago or something like that with Emma, hands me the Yashica boom, and Emma's like, no photos, I'm sorry, and just shut him down. And I've never seen anyone shut Chris Chang down for a photo. No one shuts Chang down for the flick. She hit him with a nut tonight. I think she's one of those famous actresses who really wants to be normal. And, like, is married to some regular guy and, like, doesn't go to anything. I think she's one of those types. Which is, what's the point, then? That's how all the Emmas are, if you ask me. I'm thinking of Emma Stone. All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Quince. Jason, the temps are warming up. It's getting hot out there. Summer always changes how I get dressed. I need pieces that feel lighter, more breathable.

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as your competition, if not more. Head to squarespace.com slash howlong for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, use offer code howlong to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. Famously married a normal guy? He's not normal. He was a former staff member of the show Saturday Night Live. He's not a full civilian. What does he look like? He looks regular as hell. I mean, he looks like a pretty good-looking regular six-foot-three white guy who is sick with the pen when Andy Samberg's in the room, you know? Okay. Well, I don't know what he looks like. Not many people do. Not many people do. He's just a regular guy. I'm sorry. Let's get back to Banksy. I apologize. I think Emma Roberts had a civilian boyfriend who she beat up at techs. Uh-huh. Yeah, she's around. She was actually supposed to come to... Beat up at Tex? Oh, I'd be pronouncing that wrong. You're talking about the French restaurant in Echo Park? Yeah. I too have been beat up at Tex. Is that what you call that, Jason? By a woman. Oh, I thought you meant beat up by martinis. No. Yes, but no. Okay, so I listened to the Moby episode. That was a really good episode. Thanks. And I think I've seen the castle when I lived. If it's where I think it is, when I lived in L.A., I remember walking to the top of that road and being told this is Moby's old house. Banksy, like, it may surprise you or it may really, really not surprise you at all to know that I wrote my undergrad thesis about Banksy. It does both of those things. It does surprise me and not surprise me at all. Dean delivers again. Jesus Christ. Okay, so you wrote 15,000 words on Banksy for your thesis. Yeah, I wrote 5,[redacted address] art. Bro, bless me with the PDF. These were not critical words either. I was really in awe. graffiti writers especially like people who paint trains and dean why have we never talked about this this is the only form of art that i believe is true i hate all art except graffiti jason's a recovering uh graffiti artist slash criminal it never leaves the blood i know that i knew that i knew that i mean okay honestly i would like to read that if you if you would share it with me i don't i don't think i have it but i wouldn't i wouldn't recommend um reading it but anyway like you know

He used to put out these little books, like short books with his views on society or culture. And I did quite like him. I did quite like his thoughts on things. I also very nearly bought the, well, I don't know if I very nearly, but I saw his works that were the blur cover art listed on eBay about 20 years ago or so, maybe more than 20 years ago. And it was a starting price of 500 pounds for, Now they're worth more than a million. Some of them have been to auction. Someone had just found them and cut them out of this metal cow shed in the country. So that's one of my greatest regrets that I couldn't get 500 quid together as a 20-year-old. That's funny that you bring that up because in one of our more graffiti-leaning group chats, our friend sent a link, an eBay link that is a... I sent it. Oh, you did send it? Removed a full roll-down gate. with a SACE, with a Dash Snow tag on it, and it's $30,000 on eBay, I think is what it was. Right, Jason? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. RIP. And I didn't think they did that for anybody but, like, Banksy. That's why I was so – like, the cutout shit and all that stuff, like, does that happen? Well, the price reflects that. Yeah, you're right. You're right. They had to rent a truck to get that thing out of there. 30K versus over a million, you know, sounds about right. You did fuck up on that, Dean. Yeah, and I think, so this guy in, you know, South London, I mean, I think it was on the Camberwell Road near Peckham. I used to live around there. And I think, like, he did the right thing, I think. You know, you see a Banksy on a stop sign, you should just go get it. It makes sense. He shouldn't be arrested for that. It's crazy. No, no, you can't. It's like, no, no, that's insane to arrest him. But the big thing about that story that I kept seeing, and maybe this is a darker sign for me personally, is that people kept talking about what he was wearing, because I believe he was wearing like Margiela or something. Margiela shoes. Okay, so he was wearing some Gat trainers, but I think he was wearing some sort of Junior. I think Junior, yeah.

He looks great. He looked great. He looked great. So do you think people were taken aback by how well-dressed and affluent a common street thief is? Yes. But if you know the value of a Banksy artwork, it doesn't matter how much money you have or how cool you're dressed. If somebody leaves a bag of money sitting on a sidewalk, you're going to pick it up. Well, no, I think it was more of a fascination from the streetwear community. that like, oh, hell yeah, this guy's fly, too. He's not just a criminal. And I think that's what it felt like. It wasn't even negative. It was just like, shit. He's got that shit on. He's got that shit on him, yeah. That was a nice part of it. But is he going to do jail time, Dean? I have no idea. I mean, he'll probably be fine, yeah. It doesn't seem like a big deal, but he's probably not going to get to keep his Banksy, you know? He's probably not, unless he's, like, moved on very quickly. He's going to have... he's gonna have he's gonna have trouble selling this um banksy work of two drones on a stop sign um what you say about him being like nicely dressed it does i think there is like a rich tradition of the kind of well-dressed gentleman art thief you know like the fellow who's in a nice savile row three-piece suit and goes to the goes to the museum and then just kind of purloins the rare like late period Renoir. He's continuing that tradition. It's good. He should be celebrating. Or even a head-to-toe Arcteryx look, which could retail more than a Savile Row. Yes, you're absolutely right, Dean, and this is the perfect outfit then for the art he was stealing in the same way that the three-piece is nice for the Renoir. It fits. The look fits the crime. It's a pleasure to see the perfect crime every once in a while, even if it is a crime. I didn't. Well, so what is your what is your today? How do you feel about Banksy? Is he should he come out or is this is it is it is he jumped the shark? Where are we at with Banksy? Are you ready for him to move into podcasting? He should go on a podcast, actually. It'd be interesting to hear him speak. I mean, I thought I thought he got unmasked recently, but I never.

I never actually followed up. Well, it's understood that he's... What is he in, Jason? Massive Attack? That's one of the biggest rumors. The biggest rumor is that he's a member of Massive Attack because someone had traced his work to a tour routing of Massive Attack, and it was the same. I thought he was named recently, but I'm not sure as who, but I've heard this Massive Attack rumor. That's been around for a few years. I think he's like 3D, I think, who's like Robert Del Naja. someone like that from Massive Attack. Yeah, I'm very interested in that idea. This guy, Robert Del Naha, I might be saying that wrong, is also good friends with Adam Curtis. And if you look at, I think on hyper-normalization, like he's the first person thanked on the credits. And they also collaborated on this theatre spectacular up in Liverpool, I believe, maybe in Manchester. And I still like... adam curtis a lot like i i like adam curtis now the way i liked banksy when i was a 20 year old undergrad and it kind of strikes me that it's this guy from massive attack is probably all these people like he's he's massive attack he's banksy he's also the kind of puppet master the ideas guy behind adam curtis and he just keeps on he's been he's been leading me my whole life he's probably burial yeah what if he's that's that is very interesting that this is following you in your interest And then, you know, maybe in 10 years, I'll be like, I'll be over Adam Curtis, but he'll be someone else. And whoever else he is, I'll be completely like, suckered in by. If that is true, then yeah, Banks, the whole thing is pretty fascinating and impressive. Do you think, I would like to see Banksy or maybe Adam Curtis and Banksy and burial Las Vegas sphere. What say you, Dean? Is there a better lineup for the sphere? That would be amazing. Yeah. That would be amazing. Get AC in the dome? You haven't been, right, Dean? To the sphere? Yeah. No, no. I've only been to Vegas once. I'd like to see it. I'm absolutely desperate to go, and I'm working on a plan to go with our friend Shad when he's visiting, but I don't know who's going to be playing while he's, like, if it was U2, I could probably figure out a connection to get us into that through the U2.

Well, Chris, would you go to the Sphere if Pink was playing? Yeah, for sure. I'll see anything at the Sphere, at least in this early period where I'm still fascinated with it. I think about it all the time. I think about how much in debt are they, Jason? I mean, they're on track to becoming profitable, but they just had a lot of startup costs, I guess. Well, they're supposed to rent it for advertising for a million dollars like a day, and I don't think that's really working out. I have faith. I think it'll take off, and I think there's going to be multiple spheres all over the world. Do you want to go, Dean, or are you happy to view from afar? I would love to go, and I'd love to see you two there. I bet I'll be a really... It'd be a really fascinating experience. I recently saw Travis Scott. This was something I wanted to talk about, actually. I recently saw... Cactus Jack. Yeah, Cactus Jack. I saw Travis Scott and his DJ Chase in the Barclays Center in Brooklyn. And it was such a... It was impressive, I guess, but it was just such a weird experience. Like, I've never been to something like that, and it kind of made me very confused about... what is going on with these big music performance shows. I bet Sphere is probably something similar because Travis just built like a whole set. It's just, it was like a weird, it's like a musical or something. He's got people coming up on stage and riding this giant floating head around the stage. And it's so like kind of childish and pantomime. It's so weird. If you got to keep, you know, a bunch of 14 year olds and their parents. in a controlled riot basically for an hour and a half, you've got to have rides. I think that's what my takeaway is. And if you have such a lack of charisma, you can barely open your eyes while performing at a stadium, then you do have to rely on theatrics and production. Travis Scott is one of the worst of all time, and I don't understand. It's almost like he's a mute because he knows that if he talks, it will ruin.

his entire kind of swag that he is trying to project. Yeah, best not speak. Why did you go to the show, Dean? Just for research? He's just a fan of Chase B. It kind of was for research. I also saw 100 Gex around that time. I had these opportunities, and I want to find out what's going on in culture. I would go to both of those things. I'm with you. I totally understand what's happening. I'm totally with you. I have a friend, kind of Swiss. conceptual artist turned filmmaker, Tobias, who sort of kind of inadvertently fell into Travis's entourage for a couple days. He's friends with an artist called Dozy, who lives in Portugal, who's like a childhood friend of Travis Scott's from Houston. So we got this opportunity to go. I went with my girlfriend, who's a huge Travis Scott fan. Like genuinely, he's like her number one or number two. You're a better man than I. I had heard. I remember after all this Astroworld tragedy, I remember my friend Matt telling me, we've kind of made a mistake getting so angry at this guy because he's actually the best performer we have. He's supposed to be the last live in person. He's supposed to be the last of the rock stars or the last of the showmen. And the show was... insane like he does have this crazy presence i didn't really i didn't enjoy it so much myself but it wasn't really it wasn't really like even music it's just like he's just shouting he's just shouting or warbling that's right for like two hours straight looking like this superman over like sound effects and the crowd is wrapped like the crowd is just completely entranced by this guy it's like being at some religious ceremony. It was a really weird experience. He could be a very powerful cult leader. It's interesting because the last album flopped. No one cared. It really flopped. There's no hit, but it just doesn't matter because kids want to be there. They want to go to the show. I think him or his team has realized that his live performance in stage show is his strongest suit.

and they've experimented by putting all of their eggs in that basket and leaving zero eggs for anything else, like making songs or talking. And it's proven to be a wise decision because he sells more tickets than any other rap artist, maybe other than Jay-Z or something. The only thing that I can compare it to is... and he's more mainstream is playboy cardi like those same they're like a playboy cardi headlines rolling loud and like hasn't put out a song in five years he's huge hasn't put out a song that has words in it it's the same kids though it's the same like the devout just like i love this shit i want to be there for the experience you know and i have to say as much as i want to make fun of it it kind of reminds me of going to like hardcore shows when i was a kid It's like an energy thing, and the music is almost secondary. The vocals are unintelligible for either genre. Yeah, it's guys in hoodies being mad. It's the same shit. Carty did put out a song, one song, 2024, at the end of last year. Did you hear that? I didn't catch it. It's good, but people are going crazy about this song, on Twitter at least. It's produced by Kanye West and two other people. I thought that was interesting. And he also he calls it he's called Kanye West, which I thought his name was. Oh, he's he wasn't. Yeah, he's Kanye West. So I'm confused about maybe it's a different person. He still goes by Kanye West for his production credits as an artist. I'm just kidding. I don't know. Do you think that do you think that where are we is Kanye forgiven? It feels like it's happening. It feels like it's slowly happening. He's seeping back in to the good graces. Young people never, never. Never cared. And I think if he puts out a good song with Todd Dolla $ign, is he going to be forgiven in a mass way? Yeah, he does seem to have won forgiveness. Yeah, he seems to be kind of, everything's going to be okay. People are okay with him. He won forgiveness from Jason when there was the photos of him getting head on the boat.

in venice well that's when jason forgave him but everyone else it moved my needle a little bit that's that's what i was gonna say like yeah he he won forgiveness by by doing nothing right by like by like putting his wife in these weird you know interesting costumes and by like planning this hundred thousand day city in saudi arabia he's selling a house in malibu he's losing four million on the listing price is 50 50 million dollars i think since kanye is still funny and he's still acting a fool that's what's keeping people him in their good graces whereas like a kevin spacey kind of person he is not funny and is not acting a fool is going full serious and that's why i don't think somebody like him is going to have a recovery and also kanye can release his own music dean today And it can go everywhere. And Kevin Spacey cannot make a movie and release it today. You know what I mean? I just think music is more universal as an avenue for forgiveness. If somebody gives you great music, it's very easy to understand. Whereas a movie is like an acting performance. If House of Cards theme song comes on at my wedding, I'm not going to dance to it. But if Billie Jean does. Exactly. But I'm a Spacey. I think Spacey is going to have a comeback. Somebody will give him a chance. But it's not going to be on the level of... Is Kevin Spacey the white Kanye West? Dean, what say you? Oh. I don't see a great deal of similarity between those guys. But I mean, maybe. Who's the white Kanye West? I mean, maybe Armie Hammer. I don't know. You know, I don't know. Like, I think that all of these guys are going to be fine. Like, everybody's going to be fine. But music, particularly to me, is always like, people will forget. If you got a hit, you're forgiven. There's nothing else like it. All we need is him to make a hit. I don't know if that'll happen. Yeah, I don't know if that'll happen either. Dean, you also said, I forgot that you did have a little bit of a running list of a couple things that you wanted to talk about on the show as well. And I wanted to give you a spotlight if you have any. It's okay if you don't. Take the floor, Dean. What did I want to talk about? Well, we're talking about production. I was wondering how you produced the show, Jason. Because when I listen back, because I talk very slowly often and I have pauses in the wrong place and kind of have this broken.

And when I listened back, you know, when it came out to the episode we did before, it seemed to me like you'd kind of cut everything together, like cut out the pauses, kind of like a Migos engineer, something like that. You'd like chopped everything together into this one. He's the Tay Keith. He's the Tay Keith of podcasting. He is the Migos. Well, I think it was a while ago when you were on the show, and I think. The editing style pendulum has swung a bit where it started out as I was heavily editing things to be as tight as possible. And on the upside, it moves very quickly and it has a kind of a hypnotic effect to it. On the negative side, it can remove some human elements and errors and pauses and ums that can end up being beneficial. And now that I've done almost 600 episodes, I'm... I'm leaving more pauses in and having it a little bit more natural and organic. But I think that editing the show is like the fifth beetle of a podcast. A lot of things can change. You can make a good podcast great. You can make a bad podcast decent. Cool. What else? And for the note, I will leave that pause in. I thought you made me sound good, which I... which I liked, which I appreciated. Well, the next time you do one of your little experimental podcasts where you talk about, you know, the future of meta spaces, critical theory, fourth wall thingies, send me the file and I'll clean it up for you. Oh, yeah, I'd love that. I'd love that. I mean, yeah, I do think like it's kind of you're on the verge of inventing a new form, which is good, like this kind of, The podcasting or just the talking when you're punching in every line, you know, that kind of RXK nephew style, but with podcasting or storytelling, like I think it's really, it could be a whole new form. It's funny that you bring that up. This morning when I was skipping my rope in the park, I was comparing a little bit to nephew in terms of when you think about we do three episodes per week, which is something like, you know,

200 hours of content being released a year, which is far more prolific than any other creator, except for people like a nephew or like a little bee, like people who release 30 mixtapes a year. And obviously not all of it is going to be gold and you don't have time to make 30 movies a year, but there is something unique about that. Yeah. Okay, now you pause on purpose. you little bastard i'm just yeah i i always pause a lot when i'm doing these if i'm interviewing someone particularly but also if i'm answering i've been called out on that by people i've been interviewing before they'll say you know are you bored why are you too quiet but i think you know i'm just leaving just waiting you don't want to yeah you gotta leave you don't want to cut people off too quickly let it breathe well yeah people will i like it yeah if you if you let people talk They'll give you what you want or incriminate themselves, which is great for you either way as the interviewer. Is it a power move, Dean? No. Quite the opposite? No, yeah. I don't think so. Okay. I'm not trying to – I guess if I'm like the interviewer or the host, I'm not trying to dominate people. I've been hosting a monthly talk series. I've just been talking to art critics. No plugs, Dean. No plugs. No plugs, please. Yeah. Well, I interviewed someone, I did a talk with someone, an art dealer, Gavin Brown, last month. And he really, he really just shut me down from the off. Like he really dominated me. I mean, he's a friend of mine. Oh, I was going to say, so is he not fucking with you or is that just the way he operates in public? That's like the way he is. And after about 20 minutes, he just stopped taking my questions entirely and just went to the audience and just had this like... hour-long thing with the audience. It was amazing, though. It was the best talk we ever did because he got really real in the end, but he completely silenced me. He did just dominate me. That reminds me of years and years ago. I was flown to Toronto to interview Virgil before he really blew up in front of this crowd of people.

He absolutely railroaded me and there were no questions to be asked. And that is exactly what the crowd wanted. And he knew that. And I didn't. And I was like, what the fuck? Why is this guy stepping all over me? I thought, you know, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, oh, he did exactly what these people wanted. And that's why they are going to follow him into the fire. Because he knows what people want. Now that I think about it, I realize it was a... Power move. Well, for the greater of the talk, but it can be humbling for you if you're the person who's being stepped on. Yes. You got to fight back, Chris. I didn't care enough to fight back. That's often my problem. As long as you got paid. Yeah, I got paid. It was a paid gig. Dean, a question we asked last episode. What's the worst animal? Oh, yeah. God. That's such a hard... Such a hard question to spring on someone. Not unlike the way the kangaroo springs at you in battle. Yeah, yeah. Am I right? I'm just trying to give you some help. Not a kangaroo, I don't think. I try not to think of obvious things like dogs. Dogs could be one. That's obviously my pick, but it is obvious. Wasps. Scorpions. Pigeons. Pigeons. Those are more insects, I would say. Jason? Okay. I don't want to get into it. Fair, fair, fair, fair. The worst animal. It's a really interesting question, but it's something I'd really have to think about for a long time. We'll come back to it in nine minutes. So while you're talking to us, just separate the other part of your brain to be constantly thinking maybe it's a jellyfish or something like that. But I wanted to talk about third places a little bit. Yeah, I love them. Let's say in 2024, you were tasked, to open or curate or consult on opening a third place, maybe a cafe, a coffee shop, something like that. Yeah. What types of things would you do? Whatever Dean Kissick's Latte Larrys would be, if that makes sense. Yeah. And in Latte Larry, they have the coffee heaters. Yeah.

You put your mug on top of it and it keeps it warm. Yeah, yeah. I thought that was a really, I think that's a really good idea. I've looked it up. You can buy them. They're like, I thought he'd invented that, but they're like an existing, well, there's a company called Ember that makes them. I like the idea of that. I guess in Curb, it kind of caused his downfall, the downfall of Larry Lattes, because the guy had the... Venus made that was too big for himself or something. Then he knocked over that. Like the coffee cup he turned burnt down the whole coffee shop. Tale as old as time. He famously had some toilet concepts as well. Yeah, what was the toilet concept? I met someone recently who was building his dream apartment. He's making the toilet like a perfect cube. This was like his main thing. Just like the cube with a hole in the top. Like a two foot by two foot. I think so, yeah. Yeah, that sounds right. Okay. This feels Kanye West-ian in many ways. But Larry's was urinals only in the men's room. And then the women's room was a way to hover and squat over the toilet without having to put your bare ass on a public toilet seat. So it's kind of like two handles. You'd maybe ride it like a motorcycle or something. No, I'm not. I do the opposite, actually. I like to have, like, real sit-down toilets. I was talking. Larry Ziggs, you zag. I like this. Talking is probably a kind of over-egging the pot here, but I did ask, like, Lindy Man, Paul Scalas, if we could open a cafe together, and he said it would be an honor, and he wanted to. So hopefully, I haven't met Paul in person, but hopefully Paul and I will get together and open a cafe, and he has people hitting him up. you know, kind of people with funding, people with ideas. Some of the bigger third place VCs are sniffing around, I'm sure. Yeah, yeah. Have you thought about it? Have you thought about this? Just kind of blue skying it right now. Yeah, I mean, I think about this kind of thing a lot. I am actually kind of opening, I'm going to work at a third space next year, maybe, or this year, in a few months, which we can come on to.

I thought about, I mean, he was saying how like cafes used to be places where you go, like meet people and talk. And now they're all kind of places you go work on your laptop. So they need to be, they need to be more kind of created for that, for those purposes, more suited to the laptop worker. Whereas I feel, I kind of feel the other way. I'd like to go back more to more traditional cafe. I've been going to a brass cell recently. So I used to go to a brass cell. I'm sure you've spoken about it before on this podcast. For our listeners at home, it's a coffee shop in Lower East Side, East Village, kind of. East Village, yeah. Dean, I used to go all the time, but the crowd is the worst in Manhattan, but go ahead. No, the crowd is great. Have you been to Rice to Riches, Chris? The crowd gets much worse. No, it could always be worse. It could always be worse. The main Abrasso crowd is fairly well-off Democrat, Gen X. magicians and professional backgammon players this kind of thing exactly you're making my point for me dean you're making my point for me and they have kids and dogs let's not forget that like let's not forget no dogs no dogs in there no dogs allowed no but there's there's dogs hovering outside no they're not they're not guys i used to go to this place all the time it's this fucking it's it's I would of course run into friends and family, but Dean, I see why you like it is because it's, it is laptop free. It's laptop free and they have like great coffee, great food and drink. It's got a nice ambience, but it was really like, it's really out of action for years. And I think it's really only very recently, at least I've only learned very recently that it's come back and they've started opening late again on Fridays and Saturdays. So it's kind of returning to its former glory. That's made me happy. I've been going to La Cabra, the one on the kind of Danish hipster coffee shop. They've just opened one. Bro, that shit is too slapping. I got to stay away from those buns. I can't be having buns, Dean. They have some great buns, great coffee. Oh, the cardamom. It's not the perfect coffee shop, but something in there that I like is they're always playing ambient music. It's not the best ambient music. I mean, it's not even particularly good, but they're always playing ambient music.

And a lot of like a good proportion of the clientele are not like aren't speaking English or maybe they're from like kind of soft spoken cultures like East Asian. So there's very rarely the kind of volume of like voices mixed in with this ambient means you can really like dissociate in there. You very rarely hear someone. shouting about some stuff or like taking a meeting the energy of the room can police itself i saw them kick out i told you the story i think jason this woman was like rushing to get her headphones and laptop out for a call and she got it all set up and it was like 359 her call was at four and somebody was just like a guy walked over there at the bit like that worked there the biggest smile on his face and it was just like Sorry, no laptops here. And she just looked destroyed. And had to rush out before getting her coffee. And I was like, that must feel good to do. That must feel really good to do. Cracks the knuckles before you walk over there. But they also have a restroom. Yeah. Which is like a nice compromise and trade-off for any building in New York City whatsoever. Abrasso as well. Abrasso has a nice all-black restroom. Black tile. Abrasso's got two. Yeah, yeah. No, Abrasso, look. Abrasso is the best product possible. I just find that sort of crunchy but rich Subaru Bernie magician. I just, I can't, I can't. Yeah, Chris and magicians are oiled in water, famously. Yeah, but you're absolutely right on that description, Dean. You're absolutely right on the description. Backgammon players. They also, yeah, there's some interesting, but then you have like these kind of lonely or like kind of these intellectual sorts. People who come in on their own and just read a novel, sat on their own for a couple hours. Which you don't see. No, absolutely. You don't see that. I don't see that a lot of places. Try that at La Cologne. Yeah. Good freaking luck. You get kicked out of there. I went to a new cafe here in LA this weekend called Cafe Telegramma. And I had a very similar experience where I was like, damn, this place looks great. The fucking food is great. I really liked it.

In LA, that's not usually the case. What's the downside, Chris? What's the downside? It's in a fake neighborhood called Melrose Hill, which is fucking no man's land, but it's not far from where we live. But I was just like, this is very good. It felt like there was some action, and it just felt good, whereas a lot of places in LA don't feel good. Can I say one thing about La Colombe before we have to sign off? Be our honor. Yeah, I'll choose my words carefully, but I... You know, I like La Colombe a lot. I think La Colombe and I think Lafayette and Forest is one of the best, one of the best cafes in the city. But I go to a few and I noticed, like I posted about this, that they always have their like seltzer tap out of order. Because they give free water still and seltzer. Except as of about 2020, the one I go to, it's had an out of order sign on it. since 2020, because I used to always get the seltzer there. Now, every La Cologne I go to, I've noticed, like, it's always out of order, or they've just unscrewed the actual handle of the seltzer thing. So this is like the thinking man's McDonald's soft-serve machine always being out of order. Yes. Yeah. I mean, I actually thought it was so nice to have a coffee shop where you could get free seltzer. They will sometimes give you free seltzer or a brass salve. It's not a guarantee. So did you confront the La Cologne Corporation about their belt tightening? Well, this is what I'm doing right now. I posted about it and I got contacted by an anonymous source who I won't dox and I don't know this person. But they kind of alluded to me that it takes a special person to fix these seltzer machines. And the company does not, they cost too much. The company is kind of not refusing to pay the price to fix all these seltzer taps and is instead just pretending they're all broken, like across the whole New York area. If anyone from La Colombe is listening, like any CEO, CMO, that sort of person, which they probably are, I think that's a false economy. And I really think it would behoove one of my favorite coffee chains to,

Just pay the man, the woman, the seltzer technician. So do you believe that? Do you believe that there's one person who has a very specific set of seltzer skills, and they're the only person who can fix it, and they're in the middle of a heated dispute, a financial issue, and it's a stalemate, and that's what's causing these seltzer machines to go down? Yeah, I think so. It's a problem with America. It's a problem with our infrastructure. I've got the solution, Dean. I've got the solution. Go into your La Cologne with a spy-style micro-camera, maybe a pen camera. Nobody will be the wiser. Go in, open up underneath, and just take a bunch of photos of this. Find out the serial and model number. Download the manual. And you, yourself, become an expert at Seltzer.com. repair and maintenance, and you will sort of be the white knight that will come in and save this corporation. Okay. Yeah, let's do it. They love you there already. We love you here at HowLongGone. Thank you for joining us today. This is the way we wanted to kick off 2024 with a fan favorite and favorite of ours, and we appreciate your time. Thanks for having me. Have a wonderful year. We'll see you soon. It's been a pleasure, Dean. Thank you so much. Thanks, Dean.